Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does
not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed" .

2. There is no such thing as "US English" . We will let Microsoft know
on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.

It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The
Queen, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays American" football. You will
no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
game.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is
similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are
hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your co-operation.

We have discussed your demands and have reached a general agreement to the following:

Most of your terms we accept. The part about invading portions of Canada has struck a cord and is well accepted. However, we do ask you initiate the same actions in France, the root cause to the entire Quebec issue. If you need military assistance, like most European nations need, please ask.

We will attempt to throw an extra "u" into the spelling of most words that include the letter "o", start placing an "e" at the end of words that don't need them, and to pronounce words starting with "sch" as "sh". Please be patient. Calling a cigarette a "Fag" may take a little longer.

The Australians are the ones with the good teeth ... got it.

Please note the final determination on approving your quaint little island's take-over is pending a decision by Palm Beach voters. Estimated returns are due in the year 2017, depending upon court action and the speed of manual recounts.

As for giving up true Football ... sorry, you'll have to take that one back to Tony.

Until then ... Cheers

Her Majesty's Loyal Subject,
Green

LOL, oh we hate france, full of french people . We don't need military assistance *cough* . We have the strongest armed forces in the world *chuckles to himself*.

Originally posted by Green: As for giving up true Football

LOL, true "football" hehe, nah true football is what you call "soccer".

The great English One.
El Drunko